i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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