I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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