PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
