I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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