Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You may now shotgun with the bride
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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