I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
