I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
