So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
