Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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