Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
