If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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