My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
