youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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