Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
