I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I've blown a few things in my day
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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