Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
