If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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