Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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