So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
