It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
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I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
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Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot