i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day