Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere