This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.