that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know