you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
