You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
