I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
