Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
