I wish my penis had an off switch
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
