So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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