GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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