Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
