someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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