When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
