I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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