She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
