Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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