he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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