I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I need moral support for this bender
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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