My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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