i just had sex bonerless
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
