Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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