just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
