sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
