I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
