david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
