I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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