I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
