He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
