oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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