I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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