If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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