Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Randomize
