How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
