so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
