he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
