Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
