I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
tell me about the eggs
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
