I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
