The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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