you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
