I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
