Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
