I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
