VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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