I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
