i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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