I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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