Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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