you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
