my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think your dad took our porno
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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