I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
