If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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