I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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